And it is quite common for kids to act one way at school and another way at home because they feel like the can unleash their feelings with their parents. The good news is that there are a couple things you can do to help your situation.
Young kids have fewer ways of identifying and coping with their emotions. One of their most common methods of coping is throwing a tantrum or screaming. A good starting place is to teach her to recognize her emotions and learn better ways of coping and better expressing herself.
Instead, think about ways to label and validate emotions and teach coping skills during moments when she is calm. Be sure to be specific, positive and immediate with your praise. Toddlers love to explore the power of their voice and experiment with how to use it. Screaming at your toddler to lower her voice won't help — it only sends the message that whoever is loudest prevails.
Your best bet is to avoid situations that tempt your toddler to raise her voice and divert her attention when she does start screaming. Run errands on her schedule.
It's not always possible to work around your toddler, but whenever you can, make sure she's well-rested and fed before you leave the house.
Stick to noisy restaurants. When you have your toddler in tow, stay away from quiet, intimate, or formal places to dine. Instead, go where other families go. You'll be less embarrassed when your child screams in an already loud restaurant — and less likely to reinforce his behavior by cajoling him to settle down. Ask her to use an indoor voice. If your toddler is screaming because she's happy, try not to comment or criticize.
But if it's really getting to you, ask her to use her "indoor voice. Make a game out of it. Try indulging his need to be loud by saying, "Let's both shriek as loud as we can," and then join him in letting it rip. Convince him to turn down the volume by saying, "Now it's time to see who can whisper best. This makes screaming seem like just one of many fun things he can do. Of course, that game works best at home or outdoors. If you're out in public you can try a quieter game, such as saying, "Oh, you sound like a lion!
Can you sound like a kitten? Acknowledge her feelings. If your toddler's screaming because she wants your attention, ask yourself whether she's genuinely uncomfortable or overwhelmed.
For example, if you're in a huge supermarket packed with people, the environment may very well be too much for her. Leave right away if you can, or at the very least shop and leave quickly. If you think she's just a little bored or cranky, acknowledge her feelings. Calmly say, "I know you want to go home, but it will be a few more minutes until we're done," and push on.
She'll not only be comforted that you know how she feels, it will also help her learn how to put her feelings into words. Kelly Dueck, mom to two boys ages 10 and seven, wishes she yelled less at her sons.
She rarely raised her voice when they were little, but now she has higher expectations when it comes to behaviour. Afterward, she feels badly. She knows there are other ways to get them to listen or respond, but in the moment, yelling is what comes out. Leave the room. So what can parents do instead? Think of this as your yelling rehab manual, a step guide to gaining control over the outside voice. In other words, something triggers it. If you can discover what causes you to blow a gasket, you will have a greater chance of avoiding it.
All these things are adding up, and there may be the likelihood you are going to lose it. That sober warning can sometimes be enough to get kids to tone it down. Warnings also let kids prepare mentally for a transition, says Howe. Do you need five more minutes? As Dueck can attest, taking an adult time out is easier said than done. It will vary from family to family, but it could include actions such as jogging in place, winging the Chuckit! It can be hard to wait feel the anger parachuting in?
Kids made a mess? Clean it up together. Your daughter was being sassy? Ask how her day was, and explain how her words made you feel.
They become behaviours to cope with rather than tactics intended to drive you crazy, says Sures. If you remove that, then it just becomes something to deal with. If getting out of the house in the morning always escalates into a shouting match, for example, prep the night before. This simple shift has made a huge difference.
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